Trust Your Cycle...

Do Not Relent!

Hello Flower,

How has it been since the last time?, are you getting over your fears?. It’s fine if you are yet to start working towards it, of course I do not expect you to start the minute you received my last letter, but it is okay to start gradually. Remember, a child wishes to walk from the moment he knows he is able to, but instead he starts from crawling. So you too, just like a child, desire to overcome your fear(s), then start crawling, from crawling desire to walk, from walking desire to run. Yeah, Usain Bolt style, I am rooting for you deeply!

Have you ever felt stuck? like you are stagnant, yet your friends or everyone around you seem to be doing better and moving forward. Yeah, I know how that feels.

I know I needed to send this out, I just didn’t know how to go about it, but last night my brother and I were talking about our growth, how far we have come and how we really want a better life for our younger brother. Then he said something that I just can’t shake off “Ola, only if you knew you will turn out better, maybe you could have given yourself time. Only if you knew the pressure that was put on you as a girl was not necessary, maybe you could have taken it easy on yourself, and not continually say you wanted to die”

Then I realized this particular one wasn’t for me, because truly I have gone past saying I want to kill myself, because of a certain way I felt about where I was. I no longer bother about how long a particular “cycle” is taking me, because I know I will bloom, there is nothing like stagnancy when it comes to me. I have learnt to confess things by Faith - I call those which are not as if they were, but I go about to put in the work as well, because Faith without work is dead. “So too, Faith, if it does not have works to back it up, is by itself dead, inoperative and ineffective” AMP James 2:17

Just maybe, you are in this phase of feeling stuck, you really are not, this is just another “cycle” on your journey to bloom. You have to go through this particular period because without it, you just might not FORM well enough for the next phase of life. This is known as your waiting period.

In this period, you are not just waiting, you are growing, evolving, and you are becoming!, it might not seem like it just yet but trust me you are. In this period, some of your friends will do better, some will get that particular thing you have been begging God for. You will ask different questions. “Do you even love me at all God?” “Have you forgotten me?” “Do you hate me?”. I asked too many questions, I needed answers!, but I received none. Instead, I learnt about PATIENCE in my waiting period.

Just like me, there is something you need to learn in this phase. While waiting, cheer your friends who are winning presently with all genuineness, clap so loud and mean it, because you might not know, but you need such happiness to flow through you so as to keep your hope alive.

Confess all that you want for yourself to yourself daily, confess it till it becomes your consciousness, just like you are conscious of your name. It is normal to feel jealous in some cases, but gradually train your mind to be genuinely happy regardless. One thing I learnt sometime back is to always speak to God whenever I feel jealous about something. “God, I don’t know why, but I feel a bit jealous about what you are doing in Rapheal’s life, God please help me, I don’t like it that I feel this way”.

Gradually, I saw myself get better. There is no perfect way to pray about jealousy but it is one of the things that needs to be attacked during your waiting period.

Before Christ was going to be crucified, He went to pray, He asked for God to allow this cup pass Him by, He prayed so hard!. “He went on a little farther and bowed with His face to the ground, praying, “My Father! if it is possible, let this cup of suffering be taken away from me. Yet I want your will to be done, not mine” Matt 26:39. NLT

He couldn’t pray Himself out of that “cycle”, He needed to go through it for a reason, for a purpose so great!. So just like Christ, go through this “cycle” Flower, you will bloom, it is a must!. So don’t give up, keep the hope alive.

Till next time,

Sending you all the good VIBES and HIGH-FIVES.